I want to go on adventures this summer. The best time of my life was when i was 15yrs old and me and rachel had just started being friends and i finally had a friend that could drive and we could actually go do things. I had started being friends with Jeff and he wasn’t a psychopath to me yet and he actually cared about me. I didnt have a boyfriend and didnt even want one. Not that I was even “happy” with myself, I just didn’t give a fuck. I was hanging out with people that loved me and that were there for me and things were just amazing. Then after that things got complicated. I fell inlove with someone emotionally unaviable, I truly hated someone for the first time, I got kicked out of my house, I was losing touch with reality, I became hateful, and my sanity started slipping. A boy tried to manipulate me and emotionally ruin me so he could get by. I no longer had super fun adventures. Everything was just a fucking hassle. Just to be in the same room with him was annoying at best.
Now I’m with someone that actually cares about me and has emotions invested into me. Our struggles are hopefully over for the most part and I want this summer to atleast be comparable to when I was 15. I’m old enough to go to shows, I have a great job, I have the friends that I need and want, I have an awesome boyfriend, and an awesome brother. I’m going to try and go to a rave atleast once a month, have a dinner & date night atleast once a month, and fucking go hard this summer. I want shit to start feeling amazing. I wanna do bad stuff and explore and listen to good fucking music and party it up and make cute clothes and start paying less and less attention to the internet world and more on the real fucking world. I want to travel out of the fucking state and spend all my money and I wanna have sex in a car and I wanna get tan and wear slutty ass clothes and I wanna drink more water and wash my face every day and buy a swim suit and wear it more than 3 times. I wanna yell at people and kiss cats.
And I REALLY want to go to a house party that has a pool. That’d be so fun. I doubt 60% of this stuff will even happen but I really want it to. I want Josh to actually WANT to do things with me and I want to break out of this fucking shell I’ve been forced to have because that shit just isn’t me. I like climbing over fences and eating ice cream and riding bikes.